Identifying a Control Freak Partner

Published: 04th February 2008
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Usually, it is possible to get hints of what may go wrong, but when we are in love, we want to ignore all unpleasant sides of the person who is the object of our desires.



Warning Bells



It is a tendency in human beings to have a certain inertia in their emotions too. If our natural tendencies drive us towards positive emotions, we tend to get better, and if our natural tendency is to turn towards the darker aspects of the mind, we can take a nosedive just as easily. The best way to avoid such a situation is to not marry a control freak. So if you feel things may go wrong, run a few tests, if needed; live together for some time and get to know each other better. Getting out of marriage is not going to be easy.



Restricting Movement



But if you are married, you can at least try to note the tell-tale signs of a mind that is not moving very normally. One of the first tell-tale signs that partners of control freaks will come across is the tendency to restrict their movement. Your spouse may not stop you entirely from going out of the house, but does he or she track you constantly and monitor your activities and movements, insist on reading every mail and text message, try to overhear calls, and react strongly if any person of the opposite sex seems even slightly friendly? The day when you will be regulated physically from going anywhere is very close. Be careful while there is still time.



Selfish with Resources



Are all the resources of the family being mopped up by only one person? A control freak is usually self-obsessed, if not selfish. It may be simply impossible for him or her to think of anyone else. This will result in you and your children being deprived of family resources such as car, computer and money. Does your partner use all the rooms equally, but restrict the children to their room only and you to the bedroom and living room? Some women take a grip over the kitchen to a point where it becomes unnerving; some men refuse to let go of the purse strings even if it means the family is half-starved. They may even try to do this at the cost of depriving their own children of simple amenities.



Sacrificing Freedom - How Long



The question is - how long will you put up with all this? If your partner turns into a monster, would you be able to do much? Meanwhile, the years are slipping by. You may sacrifice your freedom in the hope of letting your partner feel a bit better, but is it working out that way? May be he or she does not really care whether you are sacrificing your way of life for him or her. All that a control freak is aware of is his or her own demands. Then there are genuine cases where the partner is going through a passing phase and just needs that space for the time being. It may be work-related worries, personal emotions, sickness, or even an affair on your side that bothers your spouse even if you have let go.



Deciding how long this is to be tolerated before you feel it is enough is completely up to you. Think over it as neutrally as possible before you decide anything.



Divorce - A Solution



Divorce is a solution for this kind of a situation only when you do not look upon divorce as an easy escape route. Divorce is a very serious step and you are about to sever yourself forever from someone whom you may still love.



Suffering for the Sake of Family



The second option is to suffer for the sake of your family - but only if it reaps any benefits for the children. Letting them grow up in peace and poverty is better than opting for more economic comfort and little security.



Reforming Control Freaks



The last option is to try and reform your partner. Try talking; if necessary, go to a counsellor or support group, but if your partner is mentally unstable, better take him or her to a doctor. It is better than trying to overlook it all or push it away.




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